Hayden Panettiere has broken her silence on the devastating loss of her brother, Jansen, who passed away at just 28 years old in February 2023. In a candid interview with People magazine, the actress reveals the profound impact his death has had on her, both emotionally and physically.
In the wake of Jansen's untimely passing, Hayden Panettiere has experienced an unimaginable void in her life. "He was my only sibling, and he was my younger sibling, and it was my job to protect him," she confides to People. "When I lost him, I felt like I lost half of my soul."
Hayden Panettiere Opens Up About Brother Jansen's Death: 'Unthinkable Loss' Profoundly Changed Her
The grief has been relentless, a constant companion that casts a shadow over her every day. "I remember saying to somebody — and it hadn't even been a year — and I was like, 'Don't ever, ever expect me to get over the loss of him.' Because, no matter how many years go by, he will always be beside me. I will always be heartbroken about it. I'll never be able to get over it."
Hayden's sorrow has not only been emotional; it has also manifested itself physically. In the days following Jansen's death, she experienced an unexpected weight gain, a symptom of the stress and cortisol coursing through her body. "I tried everything — everything unhealthy, everything healthy — didn't matter what I ate, didn't matter what I did. My body… it was like protecting itself, shielding itself from the world," she explains.
Hayden Panettiere Opens Up About Brother Jansen's Death: 'Unthinkable Loss' Profoundly Changed Her
The grief also triggered an exacerbation of agoraphobia, an anxiety disorder that involves an intense fear of being in public places. "I got to see these horrific paparazzi pictures of me coming out of his funeral, which happened in a very private place where we grew up, so it was shocking," she says. "I didn't even recognize myself… It was bringing out the agoraphobia in me as well. Which isn't something I've always struggled with."
In the aftermath of Jansen's death, Hayden struggled to find the motivation to leave her home or engage in social activities. "I lived in sweatpants and t-shirts and things that swallowed me up and were not flattering on me. It took me so long to pick out an outfit that I felt comfortable enough in, to just leave the house, go meet up with my friends," she recalls.
Hayden Panettiere Opens Up About Brother Jansen's Death: 'Unthinkable Loss' Profoundly Changed Her
Determined to reclaim her life, Hayden sought professional help. Through a personal trainer, she began a fitness routine that not only helped her shed the weight she had gained but also proved to be a therapeutic release for her stress and anxiety.
"My body just started reacting, not just from the working out. It allowed me to release the stress, the high expectations I’d always put on myself," she says. "There’s nothing like looking in the mirror and feeling like you look good enough to walk out the door."
Hayden Panettiere Opens Up About Brother Jansen's Death: 'Unthinkable Loss' Profoundly Changed Her
Hayden's journey of healing and growth has been a testament to her resilience and strength. Through therapy, fitness, and the support of her loved ones, she has found ways to cope with her unimaginable loss and emerge from the depths of grief.
"I'm not saying I'm over it," she concludes. "But I'm getting there. I'm taking the time to heal, and I'm not going to rush anything. I'm just going to continue to embrace every day as it comes."
