Joy, the most vulnerable emotion we experience, can be difficult to embrace after experiencing pain or trauma. Fear and cynicism often become trusted protectors, shielding us from potential disappointment. However, pessimism and cynicism are not trustworthy, and they prevent us from seeing and embracing the gifts in our lives. Thanksgiving, the outward expression of gratitude, doubles the joy we experience and leads us toward hope.
In the face of adversity, joy can seem like an elusive and dangerous emotion. For those who have endured pain or trauma, the fear of disappointment and heartbreak can outweigh the allure of hope and happiness. We retreat into a shell of pessimism, believing that the worst possible outcome will surely happen. We rehearse disaster in an attempt to prepare ourselves for what we are convinced is inevitable pain.
Pessimism and cynicism become our trusted protectors, safeguarding us from the potential sting of disappointment. However, this false sense of security comes at a great cost. It blinds us to the beauty that surrounds us and stifles our hope for the future. We tell ourselves that it's helpful to keep our expectations low, but in doing so, we rob ourselves of the transformative power of joy.
Joy is the most vulnerable emotion we feel because it invites us to embrace the unknown, to believe that even after experiencing pain, there is still the possibility of happiness. It requires us to trust that the good things in our life will not always be snatched away.
For many who have faced profound loss, pessimism has become a trusted guard against the fear that often accompanies our joy. We stare into the future and choose to believe that the worst possible outcome will surely happen. We practice disappointment and rehearse disaster in an attempt to prepare ourselves for what we are convinced is inevitable pain.
Cynicism, a close companion to pessimism, doubts people's motives and God's goodness. We know that God is good, but we imagine that the "good" in our life will always be something we endure, like broccoli on a dinner plate: good for us, but never something we feel excited about.
These protective mechanisms, while understandable, are not trustworthy. Pessimism is an illusion of control, an attempt to take the element of surprise out of our grief and somehow reduce its effects. But anticipation does not guard against grief. Research shows that even if the outcome we fear should happen, anticipating that result will not lessen the sting of that outcome.
What pessimism and cynicism protect us from is the ability to see and embrace the gifts in our lives and hold hope for the future. The only practice that helps us tolerate the vulnerability of joy is thanksgiving.
Thanksgiving, the outward expression of gratitude, doubles the joy we experience and leads us toward hope. By expressing our joy out loud, we reinforce it in our hearts and remind ourselves of the many ways God has been faithful to us in the past. This naturally leads us toward hope for the future, where we no longer ask ourselves, "What if I'm disappointed or heartbroken?" Instead, we ask, "What if God do?" or, "What if it's actually going to be okay?"
Hope is not a denial of the cost. It honors the painful reality but does not fall to fear because it knows that what we can see is not all there is. Hope celebrates God's promises and delights in what is possible with Him.
Maybe your story is similar to mine. Or, perhaps you've weathered different storms in your life such as chronic illness, a ruptured relationship, or the death of a dream. But whatever shape the storms have taken in your life, perhaps you've allowed your disappointment to keep your dreams small. Or, maybe you've allowed your heartache to infect your hope, knowing God can move in your life and in your heart, but doubting He will.
One of my griefs amidst the chronic loss I experienced was not only the sting of the loss itself but also my refusal to embrace joy when it came. Many of the missed opportunities, losses, and relational disconnection and tension I experienced came as a result of my inability to celebrate moments of progress, yeses, beauty in the present, and connection with people I loved.
I don't want us to look back on our lives—our beautiful, wonder-filled, God-given life—and realize that we've mostly missed it while we were busy preparing for the worst. So, when you find yourself wondering if it's safe to celebrate, contemplating whether or not hope is a good idea, or standing on the precipice of something new, remember that pessimism will not protect you.
Name what is true about the God that sits with you where you are, remember how He has been faithful in the past. And as you look to the future, may you have the courage to ask, "What if it's wonderful?"
